messy 2015
it's been a beautiful mess. I can't reiterate those words enough. Beautifully hard. Messily awesome. A move to Hong Kong...Leaving behind New York. A new "fairy-tale-like" job...an opposite, at times lonely, schedule. New community established...leaving behind old community family. Feeling larger than life and yet smaller than small. New life and death in our friends & families. Countless new friends like family...missing old ones & blood relatives dearly. Miracle seasons from the Lord witnessed...silence & confusing seasons questioned. Brimming over with new God-inspired ideas...lost for words completely. New adventures & unexpected travels...First time living away from my home country.
people people people
The amount of visitors we have had the pleasure of hosting in our Hong Kong home is actually astounding. We love hosting. We know we have a gift for hospitality and we love love love to share that. Little did we know just how much that gift would be stretched at "Hotel Meyer"! Old friends, new friends, acquaintances, work buddies, unexpected visits, friends of friends of friends..what an opportunity to meet, learn from, love on, & just have fun with so many people from all walks of life. Heartfelt greetings and farewells to new faces, seasons, situations, colleagues, weather conditions (yes HK summer I'm still not over you), Disney guests (coming to work, at work, leaving from work), strangers passing by in the crawling MTR lines (when you feel like a tiny ant in a swarming underground and hill). To be completely transparent, while it has been such a joy it has also left me; personally; spinning. Sort of like when you go through a revolving door too fast, things can get fuzzy & distorted. It's like my mind has somehow blocked out chunks of time & I cannot even remember all the people I've seen or even every detail of shared encounters. But you know, cheesy as it sounds, I do remember how I felt: deep joy to know & love others and be known & loved each day.
fullness & emptiness. exhilaration & exhaustion.
Giving so much love. Receiving so much love. Having a heart explosion from those love exchanges that both lifts you up fully and completely deflates you down empty somehow at the same time. Hellos and goodbyes. Wanting time to just stand still but it somehow just rushes like quick-sand out from under you. Rushing...rushing to work, from work, to get home...everywhere & in between so that I can see those I love // volunteer // get to work...you name it. As we were both encouraged & warned, our life as Expats in Asia has somehow raced by faster than any other time period, one crazy experience to the next. Seeing new sites in our city alone or with new friends. Full full full work, church, or private experiences, adventures, parties, dinners, dates, movies...you-name-it.
weakness in self; strength in the Good Father
I don't think I've encountered a time as of yet in my life thus far where I've felt this weak, unworthy, or just plain aware of my sinful nature. Struggles with aloneness & quiet or being unable to see my husband, friends or family more often has truly tested & worn me down. Trying to do more or be better but always, always falling short. It's ok Brittany. I may be weighed down, but being willing for even a moment in my Father's presence gives me the chance to be truly free from all pressures & expectations of this world. I only have to be willing to go to those secret places and forget the other meaninglessness. Every other kind of "stuff" in this life is, literally, meaningless in comparison! oh, this year, I cannot even put into words the JOYS of seeing myself for what I am, truly nothing without Jesus in my life, is so life-alteringly miraculous & beautiful. I am worthy. I am worthy only because my Jesus made me worthy.
2015 may have been a whirlwind, but I know one thing: that I have truly lived, loved, & learned this year more than ever before. Growth requires stretching, discomfort, & even pain sometimes. I may spend my last day of the year feeling "spent," (at my awesome job that I love...working on a Holiday with a big smile!) but every second has been worth it. What if I didn't rush to help out with a community group meal? What if I just said "hey find another place to stay" What if I had said no to Hong Kong?! There is someone who needs me. There is something that won't get accomplished if I'm not there. Everything has two beautifully messy sides. The hardest joys (for instance, moving across the world) and sweetest sorrows (for instance, moving across the world) of life are worth it all. Saying "yes" numerous times to living fully this year is something I'll never regret & live in gratitude for the rest of my life. (All that being said, I'm also acutely aware that there is also time to stop & take stock...or consider my "no's" to things with perhaps more wisdom at my young age...but, big-picture, I always want to live with a life that is willing to say yes to living fully & purposefully. Great things come at great costs. Here's to 2016 (& having more naps, #Lawd!)