i'm a more-than-average woman in search of a more-than-exceptional Father 

i believe i'm a beautiful mess. but, oh, there is true freedom in the mess!

i believe my greatest, continuing lesson & journey in life thus far is one of wanting to be known. wanting to be great and/or remembered for something great. desiring to be special and/or standing out for something extra special. daydreaming of lofty, big things and/or being the center of those big dreams. wanting, desiring, & (day)dreaming in and of themselves are beautiful things though, right? why, of course! i believe Dreams can certainly be placed in our hearts for very precious purposes. what we do with them, how we foster & pursue them, & ultimately what presence we give them over our core identity, becomes crucial. i believe, if not protected, dreams can also be seductive lures, becoming a place where we escape reality & can cause damage to our identity. natural gifts we're given, our looks, & intentions of helping others--all beautiful things--if we don't steward them well, can become more about our own agenda & our own selves. over the years I've reflected upon several personal identity-shaping events, from onset of a dream, to even becoming reality, that have had a profound impact upon my continuing journey. though outworked in different ways, the same result occurred: my identity being absolutely crushed. who was I if I didn't win a certain title...what would become of my life if I couldn't make it on Broadway...how could i make a mark on the world if i hadn't "done" anything of importance? the myriad of questions can play on & on. but oh, there is true freedom in the mess! what I see more clearly now is that those "things" or "dreams" are not infact the source of struggle in themselves, but that my heart condition; of yearning & longing behind them; was, for me personally, destructive. i do believe that some of those things and dreams were of huge benefit & use...i do believe I was placed in certain poignant positions & my heart had great intentions...but over time, they became too coveted. too treasured, to the point of if there was some potential of them being taken away or not happening, i could not handle it. the dream was more important than the journey. the dream was more important than my Good, Good Father who had gifted them to me in the first place. i love the scripture that says "the heart is deceitful above all things," what a great reminder that our own, natural sinful nature can and will lead us astray. what gives me great hope is knowing I have a Creator who loves me so much & wants to point me toward Himself above any other dream or thing this life could offer! that in & through Him i can pursue those dreams in true freedom with a redeemed purpose.  i believe this is now a deep mission in my short life to share, that the things we long for don't define us & are not the end goal. the One who we long for defines us & is the end goal. when we get to know the Author of all Beautiful Dreams we can experience fullness of joy that surpasses any "dream come true!"

love,

mrs. {m e s s y} meyer